My Pet Tapeworm

Okay, this certainly deserves an explanation. I remember writing this on the piano in the late 90s, darling spouse Bridget calls from an adjacent room "That's so lovely! What's it called?" When I answered, she grimmaced and ceased all wonder of my creative process, having written off my intellect to a frothy mixture of demons and brain pestillence. In truth it's a broad interpretation of my Dad's psychology research into self-handicapping strategies, attribution theory, and the human tendency to embrace that within us that we know holds us back from our true potential, for fear that potential won't live up to our self-image. This is sadly, the one song I got Emma Davis to sing on before the throat imps ransomed her songbird tissues. Special kudos to Ella Rock, who provided the seagullesque tapeworm laugh track.



My Pet Tapeworm

I love it when he wriggles inside
He gets excited when we go for a ride
down to the corner store for
milkshakes and fries

It tickles when he laughs at my jokes
Sometimes I have to give him a poke
just to remind him that it's
time to settle down

Oh Squirmy, promise me you'll never leave me
I'm empty without you, believe me
when I tell you you're the one for me

He lifts when I'm feeling depressed
He never bothers me when I'm stressed
He'll never challenge me to
be at my best

He never makes selfish demands
A chicken nugget he understand
And if he had one, he would
lend me a hand

There will always be the boys
making noise, with their toys
Trying to get a big reaction
from the girls, with the world
as their pearl,
trying to make this place a
planet full of peace,
while back at the ranch
it's Squirm' and me just chillin'
by the TV.

Some people say he's holding me back
I kind of wish they'd cut me some slack
and stop insisting that my life is out of whack